New To Teaching

     Welcome to the world of education – where each day feels like you've stumbled into a never-ending game of Suck, and the prize is a certificate for world's most thankless job. Depending on where you land, this gig can potentially turn your life into a never-ending episode of a drama series you never signed up for. Teaching, the career where you won't make enough to buy a decent cup of coffee, let alone pay the rent. You might find yourself eyeing potential sugar mommas or sugar daddies just to make ends meet. It's a tale of financial woe that even Dickens would say is a bit much.

     Here's the deal: Many teachers you meet will make a quick exit within the first five years, dashing toward jobs that pay better and don't require a daily dose of emotional acrobatics. They'll be trading lesson plans for the roles of trainers, recruiters, or project managers. In a world where others are climbing the corporate ladder, you might feel like you're stuck in the kiddie pool.

     Now, let's talk about the teaching gig itself. It's a field made for those with a heart as big as a school bus who genuinely want to support others. If you're here to conquer Mount Career or have grand visions of a corner office, you might be barking up the wrong tree. Teaching is a rollercoaster of angst, where intrusive thoughts are a constant companion thanks to an overflow of emotions. Plus, you're swimming in a sea of women, and we're not just talking metaphorically.

     And, oh, those class sizes! Some studies might claim they don't matter, but trust us, they're full of fertilizer. We need smaller classes, not a can of air freshener, to provide a quality education and keep our own sanity. It's like trying to bake a thousand cookies in an Easy-Bake Oven; it's not gonna happen.

     Now, onto the important stuff – the top five tips for new teachers:

1. Don't cozy up too much with your teammates. They're not your pals; they're your coworkers. Sure, grab a drink and brainstorm amazing lesson plans, but don't overshare about your personal life or vent about the education system. When budget cuts start swinging the axe, your teammates can quickly turn into frenemies who'll bury you in a shallow grave filled with K'Nex as part of their survival strategy.

2. Always learn something new. As a teacher, consider yourself a lifelong learner. Dive headfirst into all the professional development opportunities your district offers. It's not just about enhancing your teaching skills; it's also a clever way to pad your resume and earn a few extra bucks through steps and credit lane changes. It's like leveling up your teaching game while simultaneously boosting your bank account. Plus, learning new tricks of the trade might come in handy when you're plotting your escape to a potentially brighter future within the world of education. Who knows, maybe one day you'll be the wise sage dispensing advice to new recruits and feeling ever so grateful that you stocked up on learning points back in the day.

3. Do not be on an island by yourself. Teaching can sometimes feel like a solo mission, but that doesn't mean you should embrace hermit life. Building strong professional relationships with your colleagues is key. Remember, two heads are often better than one. Bouncing ideas off each other can help fine-tune your teaching craft. Besides, relying on your teammates for support and collaboration can make those overwhelming teaching moments a tad less, well, overwhelming. Just make sure it stays professional, not personal, because nobody wants to hear about your cat's dental surgery for the umpteenth time.

4. Eat in the Teacher's Lounge Once in a While. Now, don't take this tip too literally. We're not suggesting you feast like a king or queen daily, but occasionally joining your fellow teachers in the lounge is a smart move. It's a hotbed of gossip, where catty colleagues dissect everything from students' latest haircuts to the cafeteria's bizarre green mystery casserole. So, when you receive that email about free food or donuts in the lounge, make a brief appearance. It's your chance to build camaraderie, enjoy a calorie or two, and then make a quick exit before the water cooler talk gets out of control.

5. Do not take pictures of your students and post them on social media. This one's pretty straightforward: Just don't do it. As a teacher, it's your responsibility to protect your students' privacy. Imagine if you discovered your kid's teacher had turned your little scholar into a meme sensation on Instagram. Yikes, right? Let parents violate their kids' privacy in the way they see fit, and you stick to teaching.

Bonus Tip: Stay away from the blue-haired freaks. Lastly, steer clear of the few oddballs who got into teaching to promote their unique worldview at your kid's expense. These teachers are like avant-garde artists, pushing boundaries and borders you never knew existed. While diversity of thought is important, you might want to distance yourself from those who prioritize personal beliefs over facts. After all, it's better to pledge allegiance to the United States than to a rainbow flag or a black flag of anger, right?